On Being Seen

I find that it’s always interesting to learn how others see me. I’d like to think that my own self image of myself hasn’t changed over the years, for all that I know that it has. Without delving too deeply into those, it’s been a long and fun journey to really feel like myself in my own skin, which is something I’m glad for.

But, this musing isn’t about how I see myself. It’s about how others see me. I recently realized, after a few conversations, that the way I am perceived is far different than it once was.

Through high school, I think that I was seen mostly as a member of my family. That’s fair, and that hasn’t really changed.¹ However, that was mostly among people who were, if not friends, then at least one link from a friend or family member. When people saw me not as a member of my family, I know that one of the most common thoughts was that I looked like a football player.²

Even through college, those were both common statements a common statement. More than that, though, I know that I was often viewed as someone who enjoyed violent sports.³ The other day, though, I was at a rugby field with some graduate school friends, I made a comment about how I was considering trying rugby.⁴ The friends I was with both expressed surprise, which made sense to me, at first.

After all, I have never once expressed interest in rugby before, as far as they knew.⁵

However, that was not where the confusion lay. My friends both expressed shock that I would be interested in a physical⁶ sport.⁷

That made me curious. I realized that many of the people I’ve met since starting graduate school express surprise when I tell them that people used to think of me as physically intimidating. I’m only now⁸ realizing that this might have been less an expression of how friendly I am, and more a reflection of a change in the way that I’m generally viewed.

The next day, a friend was apparently talking about me to someone who didn’t know me. My friend described me with many of the common descriptors.⁹ Someone who knew both my friend and the new person commented that I have a nice smile.

I don’t disagree with the idea that I have a nice smile.¹⁰ However, I know that in high school, I was very uncomfortable with my smile. I would do everything in my power to avoid smiling in photos. It does make it a little awkward to show photos of high school me to friends now, though.

Returning to the point, I’m realizing that the way I am perceived frequently differs from the way that people in my life say that they perceive me. I’m sure that there’s some introspection I can do about that, and may in the future.¹¹

literally the other day a person approached me on the street and went “are you a (insert last name (not that any of you reading this blog couldn’t immediately figure out my last name) here)?”, which was wild, given that I’m, as far as I know, the only member of my family to have spent more than a week in the city↩︎
to be fair, I was a football player from middle school through the end of high school, and it was absolutely the sport I felt the most connection to, for all that it’s absolutely not the sport I was objectively best at↩︎
every time that I use that phrase I feel like it’s the wrong one.↩︎
or something similar, I don’t exactly remember↩︎
little do they know that one of my favorite babysitters (not the famous movie star) growing up was a rugby player↩︎
is that the right word? I don’t think so.↩︎
I think that I’m averaging about a footnote per sentence, which says a lot about what I’m thinking in this post↩︎
literally as I write this blog post↩︎
much as I wish that it was one, that did not include “incredibly attractive”. It did, however, include that I dove, like board games, am getting a graduate degree, and do music. It’s a pretty fair summary↩︎
and not just because it’s rude to disagree with people. I do actually like my smile↩︎
not tonight, though, because I’m tired↩︎
I suppose there’s an implicit thing that I’m dancing around↩︎

Musings

I'm just copying my father

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On Being Seen

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